I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I look better un-naked...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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