Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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