all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
