im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
