hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
