don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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