HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
