flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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