i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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