did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
