Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
