I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
