It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
