i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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