If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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