great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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