I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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