Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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