Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
