Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
