so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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