I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
