remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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