pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
