My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
