I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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