I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
