Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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