i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
