Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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