I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
