just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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