There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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