After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
