its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
