you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
