Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize