There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
