when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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