Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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