The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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