If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
