Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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