he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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