So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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