I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
