Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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