apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
