Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
