Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
