Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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