I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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