i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet he comes in French.
i just had sex bonerless
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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