Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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