you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
