Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
