You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
