There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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