rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize