yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
