Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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