YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
