Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
