Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she peed on how many people?
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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