I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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