and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
