Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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