Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
