Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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