new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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