I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
