When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
