Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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