I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
