is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
