**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
