We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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