Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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