i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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