if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
